From Bad to Worse

I have to start out this entry by saying

God is good.

All the time.

God is good.

OK, now I can begin writing (as difficult as this is).

I feel like we reached our lowest point today in this process. We received a phone call from Emily and her family. They had a conference call scheduled with their attorney this morning. They were caught off guard by what she shared. In a nutshell, the attorney told Emily she needs to seriously consider parenting this baby. We could be in for a long fight, a long battle of the wills, and she could be compromising her rights as the birthmother. 

Shocking? Yes.

Rattling? To the core.

Doubting God? No.

After Sam and I received this information we could do nothing but cry (ok, probably me more than Sam). We started praying, reading Scripture, crying out to God. What else could we do? 

In fact, it seems that is all we can do anymore. Pray. And then pray some more. This is truly out of our hands, out of our control. This process has become a daily surrender.

So in the midst of us crying out to the Lord saying, "Is this exactly what your will is for us? Have we heard you right? Is this the destiny you have for all of us?" we hear this "ding" on Sam's new Blackberry phone. It's an email from Emily. This is no ordinary email. This is God speaking through this amazing young girl to give Sam and I encouragement and strength to continue this process.

Here are some excerpts from the email:

"When I got off the phone with the attorney, after she told us I should be prepared to parent, I just knew that this was not the Lord. All of these things that are happening are just obstacles the enemy is putting in our way to make us doubt the Lord's plan and I am not having it!"

"I have NOT ONE DOUBT that this is the path we are supposed to be walking down. And I have NOT ONE DOUBT that God is right next to all of us."

"I am so confident of this path we are on. This baby is Maximus Samuel Costello. :)"

"I know that if God is for me, than who can be against me?  I am absolutely willing to continue with this adoption and I wanted you guys to know that. I believe with all my heart that God is watching over us in this and I believe He is working in us, through us and around us." 

"I wanted you guys to know that I have not been moved by what has happened today." 

My tears are now happy tears. Rejoicing in the journey God is taking us on. I feel like we have this front row seat to watching this young girl blossom in the Lord. 

And hey! Aren't I supposed to be the mature person in this scenario? Shouldn't I be the one modeling a resounding faith and unmovable strength? Instead, Emily showed me how to respond by the Spirit today. Claiming victory in what lies ahead.

Thank you Emily. You are already the best birthmom we could ever ask for.

Trust, Wait and Take Refuge

As I have been walking through this time of my life, I have been relying on God's Word to provide me with truth and direction. I was reading Psalms 37 and thought I should share the highlights. This is powerful stuff!

- Do not fret.

- Trust in the Lord.

- Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

- Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it!

- Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him.

- Do not fret.

- Do not fret (hmmmm...I am sensing a theme).

- Wait for the Lord.

- The Lord sustains the righteous.

- Those blessed by Him will inherit the land.

- The steps of a man are established by the Lord and He delights in his ways. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds his hand (Thank you Lord!).

- The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks justice. The law of God is in his heart, his steps do not slip.

- Wait on the Lord and keep His way, and He will exalt you to inherit the land.

- But the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; He is our strength in time of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them; He delivers them because they take refuge in Him.

This is AWESOME encouragement to me! As I was reading this passage I was reminded that it is GOD who has the final say. He is the author if this story. This is HIS tapestry He is weaving. He holds all power and authority. Our part is to trust, wait and take refuge in Him.

Let it be God.

Let it be.

God Speaks Through Cheryl

After last night, this was a welcomed email from Cheryl [a powerful prayer warrior] in my inbox this morning:

Jen,

As I was praying for you and Sam this morning this is what I heard from the Lord. 

Though things seem insurmountable at times the Lord wants you to move forward in your endeavors. Sometimes as Christians we have the mindset that if things become difficult, if there are too many obstacles or glitches, we think that it is not of the Lord. BUT this is not the case many times. As you know, He allows glitches for whatever reasons that we may not understand this side of heaven. When we ask for His favor and hand upon something then there are insurmountable ( or so they appear) obstacles, we tend to think it is not of Him and start the questioning process.  

Be at peace, keep your eyes focused totally on Him, and do not allow that to come in to play.

The other thing I have been praying about is the Lord "cutting through the red tape." He is a God of order and details. Red tape, which can be obstacles again, He has under control and He can handle with no problem. It just seems like alot on this end, but He has it covered.

Again, not sure of what this says to you but got this at 7:30 this morning so figure I best pass it on.

 Blessings, Cheryl

What an amazingly cool and kind God we serve. New mercies are available EVERY morning and He wanted to remind us that HE is in control. HE already knows the outcome. HE can handle it with no problem.

Uh ya Cheryl, this speaks to me.

The Intensity Climbs. And Climbs. And Climbs.

Once again we were hit with another dose of reality tonight. Still with Emily and her family, we received confirmation [through a letter] that Colton is taking action to retain his rights as a birthfather. 

It is hard to explain the intensity of this situation. It seems that the future of this baby boy still hangs in the balance. 

It is a struggle between the natural and the supernatural right now. 

In the natural, it seems hopeless. It seems that we either need to throw in the towel or get ready for the fight of our lives [FOR the life of this baby].

In the supernatural, we know that all things are possible. We know that God works miracles. We know that God wants to not only provide a resolution for us, but give us a restored and whole relationship with Colton.

And it seems that is where my heart is tonight. Even as the intensity climbs, I have great compassion for Colton. I want to have the same kind of relationship with Colton that we have developed with Emily. He is so removed from this process. He is isolated and I am sure lonely. He is disconnected and I am can only wonder what he thinks about me and Sam. 

God help us. 

It seems that is all I can muster as a prayer tonight. 

Shopping for Baby Boy

I had to include this photo! We went shopping and found this little outfit at a boutique. It says "peanut" on the front pocket. LOVE that we got a picture of this on Emily's growing belly. Now I can't wait for the picture of the outfit on baby boy!

Just the Girls

What great fun! Kristen was only in town for two short days, but we certainly made the most of the time. Shopping, talking, walking, dining. We packed it all in and made some great memories.

[Kristen, me, Emily, Em's mom]

Off to TN Again!

So it looks like this could be our last trip to TN before baby boy arrives.  We already have lots planned.  Kristen (my sis-in-law) is coming with me at the beginning of the trip and then she will leave and Sam will join us for a long weekend.

I am so excited...can't wait to see you Emily!